January 3, 2009
Despite all the carping, there’s a lot that is good to say about 2008. The presidential election was great. Britney seems to be improving. George W. Bush is leaving. Eventually. That collider in Switzerland didn’t create a universe-gobbling black hole. So far. Before we move on, one last blast from the past. See how much you’ve failed to repress about the year:
1. During his farewell interview with Charles Gibson, President Bush said:
A) “The economy thing sure took me by surprise.”
B) “I think I was unprepared for war.”
C) “Obviously, Katrina caught my guys off-guard.”
D) “In retrospect, I totally didn’t know what I was doing.”
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2. When asked whether he would have invaded Iraq if he had known there were no weapons of mass destruction, the president said:
A) “Hell, no.”
B) “Yes, because — as I have said many, many times — we liberated that country from a tyrant.”
C) “That guy tried to shoot my dad.”
D) “That’s an interesting question.”
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3. The “football” Gov. Rod Blagojevich insisted that his staff always have at the ready was actually:
A) A secret code for triggering Illinois’s one nuclear warhead.
B) His special black Paul Mitchell hairbrush.
C) A memento from the Chicago Bears’ Super Bowl win.
D) His pet name for his lieutenant governor.
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4. Mother-Child Reunion. Match the new moms and their newly named offspring:
1) Ashlee Simpson
2) Bristol Palin
3) Gwen Stefani
A) Zuma Nesta Rock
B) Bronx Mowgli
C) Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston
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5. Match the presidential candidates:
1) John McCain
2) John Edwards
3) Dennis Kucinich
4) Mitt Romney
5) Rudy Giuliani
6) Fred Thompson
7) Mike Huckabee
8) Hillary Clinton
9) Mike Gravel
10) Chris Dodd
A) Urged an auditorium full of high school students to avoid alcohol and stick with marijuana.
B) Hired a campaign videographer who filmed him vowing not to behave like a Ken doll.
C) Took a cellphone call from his wife in the middle of a speech.
D) Carried a copy of the Constitution and a bag of organic tea in his pocket.
E) Drove to Canada with the family dog strapped on the roof of the car.
F) In a single year as governor, accepted gifts that included a discount card from Wendy’s, $48,000 in clothing and a chain saw.
G) Campaign ad said: “I was raised on pinochle and the American dream.”
H) Moved entire family to Iowa and enrolled the kids in school in an attempt to win the caucuses. Came in seventh, behind uncommitted.
I) Told a convention of bikers that he wished his wife would enter the Miss Buffalo Chip beauty contest.
J) Taking over Bill O’Reilly’s radio slot.
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6. Who said: “Whatever one might want to label it, I screwed up.”
A) Governor who was caught discussing the financial advantages of selling a U.S. Senate seat.
B) President discussing his failure to realize Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction.
C) Presidential candidate admitting he had an affair with the campaign videographer.
D) Professional football star who accidentally shot himself with a gun that he concealed in his sweat pants band.
E) Jersey City councilman who was caught urinating from a nightclub balcony.
F) Chairman of House tax-writing committee who failed to pay his taxes.
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7. TARP stands for:
A) Troubled Asset Relief Program.
B) To Assist Rich People.
C) Tarpaulin.
D) Total Allocation of Regulated Parsnips.
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8. Which of the following has Obama for America NOT urged the president-elect’s supporters to do over the last month:
A) “Order your limited edition Obama coffee mug” in time for Christmas.
B) “Make a donation of $25 and get an official Obama winter hat.”
C) “Treat yourself or a loved one to a limited edition four-year calendar.”
D) “Call now for this special Change is Coming Vegetable Peeler and get a Yes We Can Garlic Press at no additional charge.”
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ANSWERS: 1-B; 2-D; 3-B; 4: 1-B, 2-C, 3-A; 5: 1-I, 2-B, 3-D, 4-E, 5-C, 6-J, 7-F, 8-G, 9-A, 10-H; 6-E; 7-A; 8-D
